If social media was your lover

(Set to the tune of Damn, Wish I Was Your Lover – feel free to play the Sophie B Hawkins clip below as your reading soundtrack).


With Valentine’s Day approaching, I’ve been pondering one of my loves (social media) and I couldn’t help but wonder* what social media sites have in common  with our past  romances.

Twitter would be the girlfriend who:

  • Bursts into the room to breathlessly share news like “There’s been a shooting and North Road is shut to traffic!” and “Did you hear that they’re started rioting in Zuzuland?” She shares rumours without checking first. She actively supports worthy causes and makes you feel guilty and lazy. She embarrasses you with the way she laughs out loud in public and she also winks a lot.

Facebook would be the boyfriend who:

  • Keeps changing the terms of the relationship. He takes copious photos of you to show  to his friends. He pops in unexpectedly for a chat while you’re in the middle of something; and also keeps asking you if you’re interested in weight loss  or bicycle insurance. (Insert obligatory poke joke here). He is really, really hard to reach by email.

LinkedIn is the boyfriend who:

  • Sought you out and initiated the romance, yet you probably only see him once every two weeks. He spends all his time at corporate networking functions, swapping business cards, and likes to remind you he has a Bachelor degree,  Masters, Diploma, Certificate … He obsesses over the pay level that his former colleagues have achieved.

YouTube is the girlfriend who:

  • Really, really loves cats.  Can show you how to do anything  like how to connect your new television system, change a tyre, tie a scarf, use a compass, you name it. Really, really loves giggling drooling babies. Owns tonnes of versions of the same song.

Instagram would be the girlfriend who:

  • Always looks good no matter what she’s wearing. Looks even better in fuzzy light.

 

 

*savvy blog readers will note the Carrie reference there

5 thoughts on “If social media was your lover

  1. MySpace: the noisy and neurotic but fun ex you check in on every few months to see nothing has changed.

    Re FB: Who the heck would keep changing their relationship status..? :p

  2. Quora: The sidestepping boyfriend who could never give you one definitive answer to a question.

    Pinterest: Your first ever girlfriend; the one with the posters all over her walls!

    Empire Avenue: The elitist boyfriend who only ever cared about being seen with the “cool kids” and who earned the most money!!

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