… Or how not to embarrass yourself by becoming besties with a non- corporeal entity on Twitter.

Twitterland is increasingly populated by spamming bots – smiling ladies eager to share their life’s learnings with you. This is a friendly blog to help you spot the typical “Spambina” and to save yourself time and tears – because Spambinas will not interact with you and frankly don’t exist and make you look silly if you unwittingly RT or reply to them.

Typically, Spambinas have Twitter profile photos that are a:

a)      grainy photo taken in the 70s
b)      thoughtful cleavage-enhancing shot taken in the 90s
c)       obscure shots cropped out of a what appear to be ancient store catalogues or album covers

Their tweets are set apart from the average oxygen-breathing  being, by focusing on topics like car  insurance, how to increase sales, where to gamble in Vegas and occasionally lambasts direct from God himself.

Some Spambinas are hugely talented, like Telma1132 who waxes lyrical on UK pension schemes, antique camel back steamer trunks, and alternatives to fat camps. Is there anything that Telma doesn’t know?

Most appear to have their birth date or their precious lucky numbers beside their name, like Judy 2712, Qiana8418, and megkelley2010 (although not always, as seen with  the laughing Camilla Wan.

Many Spambinas don’t bother having biographies but their little thumbnails prove that a picture tells a thousand words. Take  Patricia5436 for example.

Pattie is obviously in a band, she’s a little bit bored with the band, she’s looking for a change, she’s also thinking of getting her roots done soon.

And check out the shy but curious Chris 9455 – she’s a playful thing, ready to share information but just not sure you’re going to take her seriously. She’s also a nature lover and vegan.

Spambinas don’t always make sense. Many of their tweets read as odd headlines from letterbox catalogues. When Mozelle 3898 shared this with us “Tomy Hippo Pedalo bath musical play toy” I didn’t know what to make of it, but surmise that she’s pondering her Christmas wish list already, or that she’s keen on that swarthy gentleman that has moved into the apartment next door.

Of course, it’s not only the ladies who inhabit the Spambot tribe. Who could forget the enigmatic Ziaawan1 and his musings about freestanding awnings and home remedies for constipation? Or Gartz 5946, who has time to tweet online marketing tips but sadly very little time to tweet about his six children.

And just finally, what’s with scary weird profile pic this from Vada1867? It’s like Princess Leia meets Ginger Meggs.

Who’s your favourite Spambina friend? Please share a link: we’re all dying to meet her.