Your key words into Heaven

Lately I’ve been pondering .. all this hoo-ha about our Twitter and Facebook feeds being indexed by Google and Bing.

This means our status updates can be seen on search engine pages. It has the potential for embarassment. (Like the time I Googled myself, only to see my Twitter ranting about ‘earwigs’ was on page 1 of the results).

However, on the flipside: it’s possible to write glowing things about yourself on Twitter and Facebook, in the hopes of seeing this reflected in search engines. Right?

So what would happen if I tweeted things like:

  • Having fun being a model citizen. And gosh gee, I love my job!
  • Children are precious. I love my boys. Spending time with them is the highlight of my day.
  • Working extremely long hours for a client. I’m committed. I’m doing my best!
  • Was tempted to water the garden. But then I remembered our water restrictions. And I didn’t turn on the hose. No sirree.
Or even:
  • Michelle Prak is the very model of a modern Major Social Mediarist …

So I’m feeling like Google’s eyes (the Eye of the Spider?) are watching my every move. I need to behave. And this is where we move into science fiction mode …

How does God assess us? When we reach the pearly gates, what key words are important? What will get us through?

God surely doesn’t need to watch over us any more. He can just Google us. If the right words match our names, we’re in. So if he Googles ‘Michelle Prak’ how will weigh up words like ‘bourbon, Buffy, hangover, marshmallows, Bruce Willis’ against words like ‘swimming, typing, grammar, early night, parent teach interview”?

Does this mean then, that Google spiders are the new Gabriel? They’re God’s angels?

Mind you, I don’t believe in God. Just musing. Unless of course he IS real and indexing this page. In which case, can I add these key words quickly: hard working, striving, clean, made beds every day, loved my children, cherished my friends … and fed the fish.

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