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Corporate communications + Public Relations Adelaide

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December 2009

The next 26 stages of Twitter …

Shane Nickerson wrote an awesome blog titled The 46 Stages of Twitter. It’s a must read!

I recognised myself in a lot of that list – as did my tweeps. But we also recognised that we’d gone beyond the list. So I’m going to attempt to extend it below. Perhaps not as funny as you Shane, but it’s worth a try!

Only trouble is, I couldn’t get beyond an additional 26. So here goes, starting on from Shane’s 46th stage:

47: Read the 46 Stages of Twitter and chuckle to yourself.
48: email 46 Stages of Twitter to your pals. (Especially newbie Twitter pals still at Stage 6).
49: discover newbie Twitter pals now tweeting more
50: provide helpful advice to newbie Twitter pals
51: watch newbie Twitter pals’ follower lists grow
52: decide to more actively grow your own followers
53: read blog posts about how to grow number of followers
54: start following more strangers and butting into their conversations
55: start following ‘social media experts’
56: bookmark Twitter metric tools
57: use Twitter tools to measure your tweet status
58: find out that Twitter tools suck anyway
59: decide it’s more about quality, not quantity
60: unfollow all those weirdos from Russia
61: unfollow those teen gangasta types from the US (you never understood what they were saying anyway)
62: discover Twitter Lists
63: categorise Friends into list by geographical location. Become bored halfway through.
64: categorise other Friends into list by ‘social media expert’ or ‘non social media expert’
65: notice that ‘social media expert’ list is pretty freakin’ long
66: create a silly list: Meglomaniacal nose pickers
67: realise you can make Lists private
68: delete your silly list
69: Google yourself
70: see Thursday night’s tweet has been indexed
71: it’s the one where you said “I love you Charmaine and I don’t care what happened backstage with Rob Thomas; sorry about wiping my ….”
72: decide to take a break from Twitter

Your key words into Heaven

Lately I’ve been pondering .. all this hoo-ha about our Twitter and Facebook feeds being indexed by Google and Bing.

This means our status updates can be seen on search engine pages. It has the potential for embarassment. (Like the time I Googled myself, only to see my Twitter ranting about ‘earwigs’ was on page 1 of the results).

However, on the flipside: it’s possible to write glowing things about yourself on Twitter and Facebook, in the hopes of seeing this reflected in search engines. Right?

So what would happen if I tweeted things like:

  • Having fun being a model citizen. And gosh gee, I love my job!
  • Children are precious. I love my boys. Spending time with them is the highlight of my day.
  • Working extremely long hours for a client. I’m committed. I’m doing my best!
  • Was tempted to water the garden. But then I remembered our water restrictions. And I didn’t turn on the hose. No sirree.
Or even:
  • Michelle Prak is the very model of a modern Major Social Mediarist …

So I’m feeling like Google’s eyes (the Eye of the Spider?) are watching my every move. I need to behave. And this is where we move into science fiction mode …

How does God assess us? When we reach the pearly gates, what key words are important? What will get us through?

God surely doesn’t need to watch over us any more. He can just Google us. If the right words match our names, we’re in. So if he Googles ‘Michelle Prak’ how will weigh up words like ‘bourbon, Buffy, hangover, marshmallows, Bruce Willis’ against words like ‘swimming, typing, grammar, early night, parent teach interview”?

Does this mean then, that Google spiders are the new Gabriel? They’re God’s angels?

Mind you, I don’t believe in God. Just musing. Unless of course he IS real and indexing this page. In which case, can I add these key words quickly: hard working, striving, clean, made beds every day, loved my children, cherished my friends … and fed the fish.

Ha ha. That’s a good one.

What’s with the pressure to be funny on Twitter?

I thought it was just me. And then I Googled it just in case (as you do). And I found I’m not the only one .. it’s a big topic out there.
Apparently those 140 characters aren’t simply about being clear and succinct. They need to be funny, pithy, whimsical … or at the very least, sarcastic. If you don’t get a few LOLs, LMFAO or Hee Hees a day, you’re #failing.

This applies to tweets from journalists, social media commentators, web developers, retailers, the ordinary Joe in the street.

I once saw this tweet posted: “I’m not following X Company any more. They’re just not funny”. What the?

Sure, there’s plenty of other themes on Twitter. Many of them far from funny.

There’s the soapbox brigade lobbying for something or railing against something. There’s earnest awareness raising, fundraising and cause-promoting tweets. But hotdamn, those funny Twitterers are the best aren’t they? Even better: the fake accounts that tweet in character.

Sure, fake Twitter accounts are ‘naughty’ but hell they’re creative. (But can be so disappointing when they stop tweeting. I enjoyed JackFknBauer while it lasted. And BrosLife just doesn’t tweet enough!)

If you want to succumb and sign up to more ‘funny tweets’, see Mashable’s recommendations, this Twibe’s list, and this one from PC World.

The fave topic on Google Wave?

What else would you talk about when you land on Wave but … Wave?

I’m in about 20 Waves now (posted discussions where lots of people contribute) and the main topic is How to Use This Darn Google Wave.

Second topic of note: Social Media.

And third: Adelaide’s new social media grouping, #socadl, and what its objectives are.

Wave is quite difficult to read right now. Waves tend to become very lengthy, and it’s not obvious how to dive in and head straight to the updates only. I tend to re-read posts and become lost. (@theskullcave recently gave me the hot tip: using your PgDown key to get to the end. Ooops. Thanks. See what an expert I am, peeps).

Everyone’s new to Wave. So very few of us know how to organise it yet. Discussions go off on tangents and the Wave just gets longer and longer.

In time, I guess we’ll learn how to focus. To post on one very clear topic (or document) and stick to it. (Or how to use our keyboard to greater effect).

As one Twitter friend put it: Wave seems too much like work. (@derekandkong). True, so far. But I’m going to stick with it to see how it evolves. Same as I did with Twitter.

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